I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
not ubering you a puppy
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
