grandma shit on top of the toilet
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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