Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
