She is in my trunk
I just pynch a tree in the face
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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