we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Are we still banned from the library?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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