I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
