if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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