when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My pussy is not your playground.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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