where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
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I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
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he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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