Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
