it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
