it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
