She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
