And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
