no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
