he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
