What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
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Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
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Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize