i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Ladies don't puke and tell
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
