Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
last night I used snow as a chaser
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize