That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
