Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
