he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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