I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
