Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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