I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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