What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
