so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
