So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
