The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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