She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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