It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
