gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
