so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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