so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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