I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize