i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
