He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Help. Why am I so naked?
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