i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
