duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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