I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm bleeding and have questions
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
