The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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