I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
