the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
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we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
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I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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