You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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