my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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