Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Two words: blizzard sex
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
