it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
