I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
