The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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