im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Im part way to drunk.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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