I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
