Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
