I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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