is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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