Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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