what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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