Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
