He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
