fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
