grandma shit on top of the toilet
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize