worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Randomize
