I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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