He uses pillows to masturbate.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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