you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
