I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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