YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
