Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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