dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
