I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
organizing the empties. That sober.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
