My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
