I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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