Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
