He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I think my vagina is haunted
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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