READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
