i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
