so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm just crazy horny about you
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
