she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
