I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My room smells like vodka and shame
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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