Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
