I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
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im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
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I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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