You just made me feel so damn special
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
