Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
