Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize